"All behavior is in the service of survival" is a quote by the psychiatrist William Glasser, who developed Choice Theory. Simply put, Choice Theory explains that all human behavior is driven by the need to satisfy five basic needs: survival, love and belonging, power, freedom, and fun. These needs shape every choice we make, consciously or subconsciously, in an effort to maintain balance in our lives.

of life. Sometimes, it’s very obvious—like the tension that comes from juggling multiple roles. As women, we often feel the weight of these roles: mother, daughter, spouse, professional, caretaker, and more.

Take being a mom, for example. You might feel torn between wanting to give your children 100% of your attention and also wanting to pursue your own dreams and goals. There’s this constant pull between personal and professional life—between being fully present for your kids and tending to the demands of work, school, or business. Maybe you’re balancing motherhood while caring for aging parents, and that too adds another layer of tension.

And if we go even deeper, there’s the existential tension of life itself. We ask ourselves, How do I live a meaningful life? We strive to find purpose, knowing that one day this life will come to an end. This awareness can fuel us with a sense of urgency to make every moment count, but it can also create pressure to constantly “do more.”

We have all been there—the days that just start off on the wrong foot. We didn’t rest well, we tossed and turned, we had an argument with our significant other (or with our mom). We went to bed worried about the kids, their academics, their social life, their growing up, their leaving the nest soon, or some day.. we may be worried about our own health, our parents’ health, the stability at work, the chaos at home, the passage of time in our own lives..

You name it. There are a myriad of reasons why we may be worried, nervous, anxious, sad, or drained. And deep down in our subconscious there may be an image of an appealing food, that for a moment would make our worries fade away. The feeling of pleasure as we taste a favorite dish seems to melt away, for a moment, all worries. It provides a respite, an oasis, a stop to our rumination about what today seems so upsetting, unfair, or such a struggle.

What shall we do then?

Have you ever had a feeling along the lines of--

“I get it, I know, I know what I need to do, I know what would be good for me—just I cannot find in myself the wherewithal to do it today."

"Just don’t ask me today to be able to live up to this behavior around food that I may be absolutely capable of, yet I just don’t have it in me today. I don’t have the energy. I don’t have the strength. I can’t connect with feeling hopeful about achieving the relationship with food I truly want. Seems too good to be true. I want to see me being that person but today I don’t.”

I want to share with you a feeling that I have seen so often in those of us who struggle with emotional eating—

And it is that it drives us crazy to be restricted in what we eat—yes, I know it is extreme to say that it drives us crazy, but for many, it does!

Whether the restriction is coming from the outside (we have been advised by someone to follow a certain diet) or from our own decision to adhere to a certain eating regimen, deliberately restricting the intake of food or certain specific foods can have a huge toll.

I truly think that, for many of us, this is what happens. It is not that we eat intentionally to silence our voice. However, I have seen time and time again that once we eat quantities that are significantly larger than what our bodies need, we tend to slow down for a little bit, both physically and emotionally. It is as if emotional eating takes energy and once we start eating we start to experience a feeling of relief or satisfaction (at least at the beginning) but also we feel somewhat tired, we have less energy, we want to rest for a bit.

Overcoming emotional eating involves doing the inner work to address the underlying emotions that trigger us to over-rely on food for comfort. To sit with them. To honor them. To understand them. This process is not easy, but it is absolutely possible and essential for lasting change.

Although "going through it" may mean different things for different people, I understand it to mean that we take the time -even if it is a brief time-- to better understand the situation, the mindset, the behavior, or the emotional state we want to move “out of.”

I want to demystify the idea that one day, we are going to “arrive,” that our eating journey will be 100% of the time smooth, with no hiccups, with no ups and downs, were we would be/ feel always in control and never fantasize about how a certain food or drink could make you feel.

A day in which no emotions could trigger your desire to (emotionally) eat. Maybe that is in store for some of us. I mean, it is in the real of possibility. I believe, though, that for the majority of us, it truly is a journey—where there would likely be ups and downs, where some days we will feel more confident and on track, and other days we may feel a bit off, and may resort to our old ways of coping, such as food, to navigate a tough patch.

As an emotional eating coach, I am dedicated to helping women transcend emotional eating and discover other avenues to nourish our bodies, minds, and souls that do not involve overeating.

Don’t get me wrong. I know we can all empathize, in the moment, with the urge to over-rely on food to cope with life's challenges. It is simply human. However, we know deep down the price we pay. A huge price. A price that eats us alive –pun intended. Embracing alternative paths toward restoring a sense of balance and a certain degree of peace within us brings a multitude of benefits: no more feeling stuffed, no more regrets about emotional eating, no more guilt, and no more hits to our self-esteem related to our relationship with food.

But I can almost hear you thinking, perhaps a version of, "That sounds really nice, if only I could..."

We’ve all been there. The day ends, and you find yourself in front of the fridge or pantry, not because you’re physically hungry, but because you’re seeking comfort. Emotional eating is a universal experience, a coping mechanism we turn to when faced with stress, loneliness, anger, boredom, pain, or any other strong uncomfortable feeling. As we bump into this behavior again and again, it is key that we understand the intricacies of emotional eating and the cycle of temporary relief followed by emotional emptiness that it brings.

Emotional eating can be a challenging cycle to break, especially when cravings and urges feel overpowering. Thus, understanding and managing these urges in a way that aligns with your goals and values is key. Today, I want to share with you one powerful tool in this journey called cognitive defusion, a concept from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).

Emotional eating, often comes with the misconception that it's a matter of willpower—a battle lost before it even begins. This narrative undermines the true nature of emotional eating and the power individuals have to transform their relationship with food and emotions. It's not a lack of strength or discipline but a complex interplay of emotions, habits, and coping mechanisms that may lead us, over time, to rely on food to self-regulate.

I hate being told what to eat

Breaking the all or nothing cycle in emotional eating

Reconnecting with your dreams

is it worth it?

Is your emotional eating, in some way, a type of self-sabotage?

Can we ever get enough of what we don’t want?

How to go against the grain to leave emotional eating in the PAST

An easy system to ease our emotional eating