Just not today..
Have you ever had a feeling along the lines of…
“I get it, I know, I know what I need to do, I know what would be good for me, I see the dynamics at play— I just cannot find in myself the wherewithal to do it today. Just don’t ask me today to be able to live up to this behavior around food that I may be absolutely capable of, yet I just don’t have it in me today. I don’t have the energy. I don’t have the strength. I can’t connect with feeling hopeful about achieving the relationship with food I truly want. Seems too good to be true —the thought that i could feel free and empowered around food—I almost do not buy it. I want to see me being that person but today I don’t.”
Does it sound familiar?
Or an inner dialogue that goes something like:
“Today I am feeling a heaviness in my chest. I am exhausted. Mentally, and emotionally for sure. Tired of having chronic hope that I can’t seem to step into and embody once and for all. My goodness! How many years it has been…? I lose track—better some of the time but always coming back, eventually, for more. What is it with me? where is my fatal flaw? This feels like a curse. Smart people would have solve it already on one way or another. Deep down I probably can figure this out, somehow, but just not today.
And it may also have a flavor of:
“I am feeling vulnerable. I want to cry. Are there any more tears to shed about my issues with food and its many implications? Maybe. I feel lost, or stuck. Most people do not get it. I feel alone and deflated. Sometimes, even defeated by the burden of not yet figuring out how to eat in a way that brings nourishment and peace without the (unnecessary?) turmoil”
All these are versions of what lovely women struggling with emotional eating feel—to a greater or lesser extent.
So, to you all I want to say that it makes sense. All the work we sometimes have to put in to achieve peace in our relationship with food can be brutal. The ups and downs. The high hopes and energy, and commitment and dedication. The low lows. The hit to our self-esteem. The shame in silence. The regret. The anger and desire to scream. Or cry. The wanting to forget about it and at times to give up. The desire to stop worrying and punishing ourselves emotionally for a relationship with food that can be unstable, intense, sometimes all that we can think about.
Would you like a mini-structured path for your work in this area?
Download my free workbook! In this workbook, you’ll have the opportunity to:
Become more aware of your triggers and their sources
Feel more clarity about your inner world in what respects to food
Be less on automatic pilot
Be more intentional in all what relates to decisions about food
The power of hope
If you are feeling this way, I want to infuse a message of hope. There are no “fatal” flaws. There is nothing in you that prevents you from achieving a state in which, most of the time, you feel a certain degree of ease around food. When we truly, at a deep emotional level, understand what food has been standing in for, we start seeing the light. Food for some many of us has been -unconsciously or subconsciously—a stand in for comfort, company, support. A way to regulate our mood. A way to, for a brief moment, have some relief, something that makes us smile inside, a pleasurable feeling even if it is short-lived.
The many avenues through which food is fulfilling
I always say that it is not that we intentionally turn to food to fulfill these human emotional needs (comfort, relief, company, support—after all, who among us do not need to feel some sense of connection or belonging?). Yet even if we do not turn to food deliberately to fulfill these needs, this dynamic is one that is at play when we have struggled with emotional eating long enough. It drives us crazy, right? we end up doing something we do not really want to do and often end up feeling confused and angry with ourselves as a result.
Our eating habits, our history in terms of the role or the function that food has played for us over the years also really matters, especially during our formative years. Perhaps that is what we saw in our childhood homes—food being relied upon as a source of comfort— in the extreme as something that would help us (or our loved ones) forget the emotional pain or struggle we/ they were enduring.
Physiology also plays a role. We know that dopamine (the feel-good hormone) is released in our bodies every time we eat, so, at this very basic level our bodies (and minds) are rewarded with relief or a few instants (or minutes or hours) of a pleasurable sensation.
Yet, as rational (as well as emotional) beings that we are, we can learn, in time to relate to food in ways that ultimately serve us. To circumvent the pleasure (or relief) that in the very short term it brings about. To acknowledge that while this is very true, even more true to our soul is our desire to live life in our terms, and that that includes a relationship with food that we can feel comfortable with. That we can rely upon. And not one that brings insecurity, vulnerability, and uncertainty into our lives all the time.
In this regard, I leave you with these two quotes:
“It always seems impossible until it's done.” Nelson Mandela
and
“They did not know it was impossible so they did it”. Mark Twain.
The good news is that it is possible!
And it is never too late. This is your life and it is your birthright to live it in your terms. And our relationship with food is certainly an important relationship we will have to deal with the rest of our lives. If you need support on how to go about what sometimes seems this daunting, overwhelming task of starting to re-build our relationship with food, do not hesitate to reach out. I am here for you!
If you are wanting more individualized guidance and support, I’d love for you to join the waitlist for my 12 week group coaching program, Enough Already at www.claudiaperolini.com/waitlist.
To living life on your terms!
Claudia