Is “all behavior in the service of survival”?
I know—it seems hard to wrap our minds around this concept, right?
"All behavior is in the service of survival" is a quote by the psychiatrist William Glasser, who developed Choice Theory. Simply put, Choice Theory explains that all human behavior is driven by the need to satisfy five basic needs: survival, love and belonging, power, freedom, and fun. These needs shape every choice we make, consciously or subconsciously, in an effort to maintain balance in our lives.
The first time I heard this phrase, I felt it captured a powerful dynamic about the interplay between what our conscious mind tells us (like “Go eat the burger!” while another part of us is saying, “No, don’t eat the burger!”) and our subconscious or unconscious motivations. For those of us who struggle with emotional eating, these deeper motivations might sound familiar: the desire to feel better, to fill a void, the feeling that we deserve a treat or the very human desire to just forget our worries for a little bit.
According to Glasser’s Choice Theory, emotional eating—yes, even eating that entire pint of ice cream—is in the service of survival.
Would you like a mini-structured path for your work in this area?
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Become more aware of your triggers and their sources
Feel more clarity about your inner world in what respects to food
Be less on automatic pilot
Be more intentional in all what relates to decisions about food
But what kind of survival? Our lives aren’t in danger, right?
Let me explain. In this context, survival doesn't necessarily mean escaping physical danger. Instead, it can be seen as maintaining a sense of psychological equilibrium. We want to feel better, experience relief from discomfort, and find peace or even a bit of pleasure from something that appeals to our senses. Emotional eating is often an attempt to regulate a dysregulated nervous system—an effort to restore balance in our emotional world.
By approaching emotional eating this way—as an attempt to help ourselves (even if it doesn’t work in the long run)—we can navigate this behavior with more self-compassion and less judgment. We can begin to empathize with the part of ourselves that’s seeking comfort, even though the route we’re choosing tends to not be effective in the long term.
What to Do When You’re Triggered to Eat Emotionally
Now that we know more about the role emotional eating plays in trying to maintain emotional balance, let’s talk about how to manage it in healthier ways. Here are three suggestions for what you can do the next time you feel triggered to emotionally eat:
Observe and Acknowledge: When you find yourself heading toward the kitchen or reaching for your phone to order food, pause and notice. Try to witness what’s happening in your mind, heart, and body. What emotions or sensations are you experiencing? Are you truly hungry, or are you seeking comfort, peace, or connection? Simply acknowledging this can create a small but powerful shift. We leave any and all judgment to the side and we just are present with your very valid thoughts, feelings, and sensations.
Practice Self-Compassion: Instead of beating yourself up for eating another pack of Oreos, try to understand what this behavior is trying to accomplish. Are you really craving food, or, at the core, are you craving peace, comfort, or connection? Perhaps relief? Perhaps a break for the overwhelm of daily life? Self-compassion allows you to treat yourself kindly in moments of struggle, which makes it a bit less hard to address the root cause of the emotional eating.
Gently Remind Yourself: While emotional eating may feel good in the moment, the comfort it brings is usually short-lived. Kindly remind yourself that of course it’s okay (and so human) to want to feel better, yet if you have struggled with this behavior long enough, you know in your bones that food can only serve, at best, as a temporary fix. You are after long lasting relief, the one that food is simply not able to provide.
So, after your body feels comfortably full (we’d never want you to be hungry!) the invitation is to focus on filling your emotional cup with things that have a chance of providing long-lasting fulfillment. Things that nourish you from the inside out. Some examples that my clients like to rely on are gentle yoga, a walk in nature, moving your body in other ways, such as simple stretches, any type of meditation/ visualization/ guided imagery, a warm mindful bath with scented oils and candles (why not?), connecting with a loved one or pet, appreciating the moment for what it is, so on and so forth.
I’d love to hear how this perhaps understanding of emotional eating resonates with you. The goal isn’t to never eat prompted by our emotional needs. The real, beautiful challenge is to find ways to attend to our emotional needs without over-relying on food most of the time. And we can certainly aspire to surround ourselves with warmth, love, tenderness, and care. And if there is no “other” to whom extend our love and warmth, that is perfectly fine, we can direct that care, support, and love toward ourselves—we sure deserve it. 💫
To amplifying the avenues through which you nourish yourself!
Claudia