Is your emotional eating, in some way, a type of self-sabotage?
Have you ever felt you are “so done with this behavior”?
It tends to be hard for most of us to see ourselves intentionally sabotaging ourselves in any kind of way. At first sight, it seems unreasonable to sabotage our own selves. "Who more than myself would want for me to be healthier and to get rid of my sometimes unhealthy eating habits"? I have heard a version of this reasoning many, many times.
Usually, my response is a version of: "Absolutely. Perhaps no one more than you yourself wants to release your emotional eating.” And then, I add: “Yet paradoxically, we humans can ALSO engage in behaviors that sabotage our very own desires, goals, and best intentions.”
My intention with this response is to start to create some space in which we can hold the tension that inherently exists when two, seemingly contradictory, positions co-exist. I think that is one of the first breakthroughs when trying to understand our behavior of emotional eating. You are not weak, unintelligent, or lacking in willpower. It is just that when we are planted in two conflicting beliefs, then it will likely be very hard to consistently engage in behaviors that represent only one of those sets of beliefs.
So, for example, if I hold these two beliefs strongly (perhaps one more at a sub-conscious level):
“I really want to leave my emotional eating behind,” and also deep down there is a voice that says:
“Claudia, you have always allowed food to have the upper hand” it is likely going to be virtually impossible to consistently act only on the first belief. At some point, my behaviors will align also with my belief that I cannot control what I put in my mouth.
Would you like a mini-structured path for your work in this area?
Download my free workbook! In this workbook, you’ll have the opportunity to:
Become more aware of your triggers and their sources
Feel more clarity about what is going on in your inner world in what respects to food
Be less on automatic pilot
Feel more confident in your ability to be intentional in all what relates to decisions about food
The dynamic of emotional eating and how it plays out
In my experience, leaving emotional eating behind can be especially complicated because at the same time that we want “X" (let’s say, to release our emotional eating), there is a system of beliefs that keeps it locked in place. This is both paradoxical and extremely frustrating.
It is often hard to grapple with this concept. “How come?!” People would sometimes say, “I only want to get rid of my stress or emotional eating once and for all”! “There is not an ounce of me that thinks or wants otherwise.”! I see where these responses are coming from, and if this is how you are feeling, I feel you. The system of beliefs that keeps the emotional eating in place can be very subtle. It may be believing we would not be able to do it, or to sustain the gains. It may be seeing ourselves as the overweight kid we once were. It may be feeling that we have no right to shine and live the life we truly want. It may be a belief that we do not deserve to look how we truly want to look.
And therefore, given that some fiber of our beings may be still holding on to these powerful thoughts, beliefs, or images that convey the idea that “a life in which I transcended emotional eating is not really for me”, we engage in behaviors that sabotage our very own ideal of making this change in our lives.
This can be a confusing concept to grasp, so if it is not making full sense yet, that is completely ok and you are not alone. To put it simply, we human beings are complex beings. We sometimes truly want something yet we do things that go against that very thing we have said we want to accomplish. This makes us feel confused and oftentimes angry with ourselves. And sometimes, it can even make us lose hope and stop trying.
“So what can I do to leave my emotional eating behind?”
Developing an awareness that this clash of two opposing forces (on one hand, our goal to end emotional eating, on the other a systems of beliefs that conveys a disbelief (or at least our doubts) in our ability to do so may be playing out in your life is a huge first step. Allowing this idea that, no matter how committed we are to our goal of leaving emotional eating behind we may still do things that hinder our process helps us to start making meaning of this paradoxical behavior. Thus, when we inadvertently do things that puts us back on the cycle of overeating, guilt, shame, disempowerment we are going to feel, perhaps still disappointed, but we will have an understanding of the dynamics that are playing out.
As we allow this (perhaps newish) understanding to sink in, I’d invite you to adopt a stance of kindness, gentleness, and grace toward yourself. If you have tried dozens of times and could not put this behavior “behind you,” there is not need or use on putting yourself down. Your worth as a human being is not an ounce dependent on it. I fully trust we can find our way out of this insidious behavior of emotional eating that can bring us down so much.
Awareness is a great first step
Mindfulness both of the forces in us that wants to stop it and about the more obscure ones that may obstruct or block the flow of energy aligned with our goals is also key.
If you are judging yourself harshly for having tried many times and not yet having accomplished your goal of developing a healthier relationship with food, I see you. We seem to be wired for quickly judging and labeling ourselves—perhaps we picked that up along the way from others.
At this point, where it is coming from is not really the focus. The focus is on allowing this being in touch with the wanting and also perhaps the doubts we have about believing it is a possibility for us. And to embrace that awareness. It really is the first step towards working through the beliefs that at this point are getting in the way.
You will likely come out of this process strengthened emotionally—this process of becoming more in touch with the different parts of yourself that pull in different directions. This process eventually allows us to know ourselves in a deeper way, and hopefully, to begin befriending the parts that seem to be creating “trouble” in our lives, the parts that rebel, the ones that do not conform to our main goal of leaving emotional eating behind. I believe these parts are there for a reason. That they have some type of message or lesson for us, even if it is no more than that to discover the different layers of our psyque that are playing a role in how we live our life.
Here’s to you making space to allow these parts of you to emerge, so that we can work with them and through them. And then, eventually, allow the parts, thoughts, beliefs, images that do not serve us anymore to be put to rest. I have tremendous trust in our ability to walk this path, a path that is not against any belief or thought we may hold deeply about ourselves, but a path toward integration of the different facets of ourselves that can make the power of each and every “conflicting” belief to diminish to the point that it does not truly impact our lives any more.
Curious to know more?
Take the quiz to begin your journey!
It will help you identify your main emotional eating triggers as well as provide opportunities for insights, resources, and tips to come your way. This quiz will help you to continue deepening your understanding of your emotional eating, which is an essential part of this journey. See you there!
What is your #1 emotional eating trigger?
Cheering you on as you courageously walk this path,
Claudia