An easy system to ease our emotional eating
Having a system that eases our emotional eating is key— it ensures that we do not need to think each time how we want to relate to food.
Systems that help ease emotional eating? Say more..
For many of us, even the word systems may sound boring and uninteresting. I get it. We may even associate it to some operations course we took years ago that we can remember nothing about. Yet I believe we can look at systems with fresh eyes—after all, systems can be tremendously helpful in providing a structured way or path of doing something. It is my conviction that clear, robust systems in what relates to food can be a huge support in our efforts to leave emotional eating in the past.
A system, or consistent way of doing or thinking about something, is liberating, as it frees us from having to think about what to do every single time a thought about food comes into our heads. Also, we know that in emotional eating, of course, there might be powerful emotions involved, which at times can be strong and charged, which interfere with us being able to think clearly and with equanimity.
Is there really a system that could help decrease our emotional eating?
That is THE question. If you have been reading my blogs, you know that at times, I have suggested certain strategies that can absolutely be seen as a system of how to relate to food. One example is the blog I wrote a few weeks ago in which I discuss how we can all be P. R. O. U. D. about our eating (which serves as an acronym for Pause, Reflect, Observe, Utilize, Direct your behavior) . Today, however, I will anchor our discussion of systems in the importance of you selecting your own system that works for you.
We are all very different in how we relate to and approach food, and a one-size-fits-all system can sometimes be very helpful but can also be constraining for some. That is why I will discuss three elements for you to consider bringing into your system, but in a loose way, meaning you can actually choose one, two, or the three elements and choose the order in which you want them to be. I also invite you to feel the freedom to add or tweak this system so that it works for you. You can experiment and try applying different versions of this system until you find something you see yourself consistently applying without feeling it as a burden.
An easy system can sustain us emotionally and help us keep ourselves in the right path in regards to food
SUGGESTED ELEMENTS TO BRING TO YOUR SYSTEM
1) PRESENCE
By presence here I mean that every time you are about to put food in your mouth you bring your presence to the situation. This can be an abstract concept. So let’s think about the opposite of presence in this context, which in this case would be mindlessness or being absent minded while we eat. Often when eating out a perceived need to navigate emotions we eat and that is that. We are not really present with the action of eating. We are just eating. We are just doing the action. We are going through the motions. There is little or no pausing to tap into bringing our presence to the act of eating.
Taking a moment to contemplate ourselves eating is an example of presence. This can look like this:
I have served myself something to eat and I am about to put in my mouth the cheese and crackers an hour after I actually had my filling lunch or dinner..
And I pause.
I look at the cheese and crackers. I put them on a plate and not just eat when walking toward the table, or around the house doing other things.
If possible I sit down after serving myself a big glass of water (or tea, or something else that would not be a big source of calories.)
Now I am sitting down with my big glass of water, my cheese and my crackers. And there is a silent, internal acknowledgement: “I am going to eat my cheese and crackers now.” And then we proceed to eat.
If we can’t do this process before eating, we still want to do it after the fact, saying something like: “I have just eaten cheese and crackers.” We take a deep breath and connect with the sensation in your stomach or your body that you might be feeling. It is actually a good practice to name what we eat. When we name it we are making a space in the emotional realm for it. We are making it more real, more tangible, we are brining awareness to the act of eating.
So we bring ourselves, we bring our true, real, mindful presence to the act of eating. Ideally before starting to eat, but there is no shame or judgment if we already ate and we bring our presence after the fact.
2) NOTICING THE EMOTION/ TRAIN OF THOUGHTS
In addition to presence we want to notice our thoughts and feelings. This does not need to take a long time although we can take 5 or more minutes if we want and have the time.
If we have the time, we can absolutely pull out a journal or our phone and write down, Tuesday September 12, 11am, bread, butter, X drink: what is the one or two most prevalent feelings I am experiencing now? What are my few most prevalent thoughts that I am having right now? Is it stress and anxiety about one of my kids? or about the meeting I will have at work this afternoon? Is it more a void, or mix of feelings that are hard do discern?
Sometimes what we are feeling or thinking will not be super clear
There is not pressure to have the feelings or thoughts be crystal clear and nicely packaged. Not at all. Sometimes, often I would say, they may not be clear. We may feel a pit in our stomach. Or numbness. Or mental or physical exhaustion. And that is as perfect as any other clear feeling you would be able to discern. What matters is the act: the moment we are pausing to do this (because it does take a moment). What is key is the act of noticing; the intention of witnessing what is going on for us in our internal world.
There is power in bringing this awareness in the present moment to the act of eating. A few moments of simply, and with curiosity asking ourselves: “What I am feeling and thinking right in this very moment?” Any and all feelings are valid. Any and all thoughts and welcome. There is not right or wrong here. There are no feelings and no thoughts that are not good or less valid. We want to do this, if at all possible, with an abundance of kindness and openness to whatever comes up for us in the moment.
So, if what comes up for us in the moment is: ““I am angry and would like to shout at my coworker and tell them how humiliating our last interaction was,” we want to embrace that with the same kindness as we would embrace a feeling of peace, or contentment. This is SO important, as we are often taught throughout our lives that we would better not feel certain emotions (that is, beware of being angry) and society in general stresses the “just be happy by choosing happy thoughts.” So, for this practice it is key that we ask with kindness, curiosity, and openness, and we never judge the response that comes back from our mind, heart, or soul. We notice the response that we are given back by ourselves, by our minds, and our bodies. We notice and we honor. And then we feel free to continue the act of eating if that is still what we feel driven to do. Sometimes this reflection may lead us elsewhere, to further thinking or doing things that relate less to food.
3) EMOTIONAL CONTAINMENT FOR OURSELVES
By emotional containment here I mean asking ourselves this question: What else can I do to take care of myself? This makes sense for one reason. We understand emotional eating as an attempt to cope with emotions that are difficult, too strong, too much of a pain, etc.. so we eat. We eat and in the act of putting food and beverages into our body we take the edge off of that strong emotion. For a moment we somewhat forget.
Yet if we have been struggling with emotional eating for some time, we know that the relief we feel is transient, that is, it goes away quickly. So, we want to gradually start developing the habit of adding variety to the ways in which we cope. We want to actively add new ways or avenues that could help navigate strong emotions. So, in our example: cheese and crackers? No problem. But what else in a different category might help me emotionally right now? I once heard a powerful of analogy that said something along the lines of: we may not be able to take the salt from the glass of water but we can add so much more water to the glass that the salt is now less of a problem. And here is the same idea.
You may be asking yourself..
“What else can I do to navigate powerful emotions other than/ in addition to food?”
The answer here is SO personal. For some of us it might be a walk by ourselves. Or a walk with our dog. Or a call to a loved one. Or an email to a long time friend. Or to bake a healthy dish with our kid. For some of us it is almost healing to include another being (human or not) into this piece, such as the example of going for a walk with our dog or calling/ writing a text/ emailing an old friend we have not been in touch for a while. The element of connection is key here but it is also true that sometimes we need the opposite. Sometimes we need solitude. Sometimes this process will elicit a tear or two, (or more) and we may just want to be alone. And that is all ok.
Sometimes people think, “Why go through this process of having a system?” “In the end I may feel more sad (anxious, lonely, etc) than what I was to begin with? If you are thinking this way, I see you. Yes, reflecting on these things may bring about feelings you were less aware of.
My response to this very valid concern is always a version of this—we did not create the sadness (substitute here any other emotion that is triggering for you) by creating a space for reflection. It wasn’t the space for reflection that made us sad (or angry, or frustrated, or lonely). These emotions were somewhere in us and the space for reflection may have only brought them to the surface. And there is power to bring these thoughts and emotions to the surface, in bringing awareness to what we are already thinking or feeling. Because when we bring them to the surface and bring awareness to them, the chances for these feelings/ thoughts to have unintended power over ourselves and our actions decrease. Coming into contact with the whole range of our thoughts and feelings can be seen, after all, as a day-to-day application of the well-know maxim:“To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom.”(Socrates).
Curious to know more?
Take the quiz to begin your journey!
It will help you identify your main emotional eating triggers as well as provide opportunities for insights, resources, and tips to come your way. This quiz will help you to continue deepening your understanding of yourself in this area, which is an essential part of this journey. See you there!
What is your #1 emotional eating trigger?
To your braveness for walking this path,
Claudia